Dating Online Long Distance
- First of all, be comforted in knowing that long distance relationships can absolutely succeed. In fact, most couples find themselves geographically separated at some point during their dating or marriage relationship. Many couples even point to a season of long distance as the cornerstone of a stronger relationship.
- Communicate as much (or as little) as you need to feel connected. We are living at a time when we.
Two years ago, I was drinking a margarita on a rooftop bar in Manhattan when I met a man from London. He was there with his fiancée, a native of New York. When I asked how they met, they taught me something important: starting a relationship long-distance is possible.
Here's their story: He searched for his highest match on OkCupid, and she happened to be on the other side of the world. But her profile made her sound so awesome, he couldn't resist messaging her. Once they hit it off online and other the phone, they started visiting each other. A year later, he'd moved to New York and proposed.
But, does long distance dating even work? When I first launched Spiritual Singles back in the year 2000, I was convinced that long distance dating was a horrible idea. Everyone that I met that had tried it ended up with some kind of “unhappy ending” story. However, almost 2 decades later, my attitude has shifted a complete 180 degrees! Long-distance relationships online offer many possibilities and opportunities for couples to have their relationship even if they live in different places. Online relationships have many benefits.
Soon after meeting them, I changed my OkCupid location settings from 'within 25 miles of me' to 'anywhere.' According to online dating expert Julie Spira, this was the right move. 'I think that singles have to cast a wide net and when it comes to love,' she tells Bustle. 'There shouldn't be any barriers. If you're only hoping to meet somebody who lives in your neighborhood, you're really leaving the opportunity for deep love on the table.'
I'm so glad I got that margarita when I did, because nine months later, I once again found myself wondering whether a relationship could start off long-distance — for my own sake. While living in New York, I met someone from Germany on vacation. When we said goodbye in tears, he told me, 'it's OK, we'll see each other again' — and I replied, 'no, we won't.' But then, I remembered that couple from the rooftop bar and figured maybe it really could work. Nearly a year later, it has.
Here's how I've managed to start off my relationship long-distance — and why you should go for it, too, if you meet someone you really click with in another part of the world.
You Have To Be Vulnerable
Aside from the money and time that traveling for your first, second, or third date requires, there's also an emotional obstacle: You have to admit that you really, really like someone very early on. When I started my relationship, I had a lot of ideas about what it means to get so invested in a relationship so quickly: that you're desperate, that you're not desirable enough to find someone in your own country, that you're really just in love with the idea of the person, etc. I had to turn off all these thoughts and remind myself that really, I was just exploring a strong connection, and the travel was adding to my life, not taking away from it.
Technology Is Your Friend
Of all the limitations there are on long-distance relationships, the amount of time you can spend talking shouldn't be one of them. There are a ton of free, equally effective alternatives to texts and phone calls, like WhatsApp, FaceTime, Google Hangouts, and Skype.
Buy Your Tickets ASAP
When you're in a new relationship and it's unclear when you're going to see each other next, the whole future of the relationship can look bleak. Just getting plane tickets, even if they're for months into the future, reassures you both that you're still dating, even if you haven't been on a date in weeks.
Learn The Art Of The Love Note
People like to talk about how some conversations are better in person, but some are actually better over text or email. My partner and I have an easier time opening up over writing, and some of our most heartfelt messages — including the initial one that convinced him to travel for our first date — have taken place over email.
But Make Sure To Check In Through Voice, Though
The same openness that's allowed us to declare our love for each other over email has also led to some of our most vicious fights. After one day of exchanging angry emails, I called my partner, and we immediately apologized and laughed about how we wished we were in his apartment fighting together. Sometimes, all it takes to diffuse tension is to hear each other's voices.
You May Have To Meet Each Other's Family & Friends Virtually
If you put off the 'meet the parents' or 'meet the friends' date for a point when you can meet up in person, you're missing out on a valuable way of getting to know your partner. Instead, arrange a video chat for when one of you is with family or friends.
Be Patient & Trust That You'll Figure Something Out
Finding a way to be with my partner wasn't too hard because I work remotely, but I also know people in less flexible situations who made it work. A friend of mine was long-distance with her boyfriend for three years because she didn't want to sacrifice her job. By the time she had three years of experience under her belt, her company let her work remotely because they didn't want to let her go, and she could've found another job if they didn't. Not everyone's life can be uprooted right away, but people move for love all the time and make it work.
“I think, in any relationship, if I don’t feel honored and made important or prioritized by my partner, that’s not going to be a long-lasting relationship where I get my needs met,” Jeffrey Sumber, MA, MTS, LCPC tells Bustle. “Whether it’s a relationship with your partner living under the same roof or a long-distance one, we all need basic needs met and need to feel special and valued.”
People can be very down on long-distance relationships, but I wouldn't trade mine for the world. It's allowed me to both grow on my own and spend time with someone I love. And the fact that it started out long-distance just means it gave me motivation to see the world.
You've met someone online, but they live a continent away. You don't know what the chances are of meeting them in reality, but you've fallen for them, and you don't want to let them go. What are the protocols for starting a long-distance relationship online, and how do you turn your virtual relationship into reality?
Take a Look at These Long Distance Online Dating Tips
Meet Online
You may speak to dozens of interesting people (and several dozen uninteresting ones) before you meet that person with who you're willing to start a long-distance online relationship. But to meet them online in the first place, you must put yourself out there and start contacting potential partners. Take that step and feel out those online who spark your interest.
Online Dating Long Distance Reddit
Make a Connection
Once you've got a conversation going, make a connection. From my own experience, investing some time into getting to know this person is one of the most important parts of starting a long-distance online relationship…and one of the most fun! Ask insightful questions. Test their sense of humor. Don't just scratch the surface. Dig deeper. Be genuinely interested in who they are and what they are, and what they want to be and do. If they're 'the one,' they'll be doing the same.
Build a Bond
You've felt a spark, so now it's time to build a bond. You have things in common; explore them together. The great thing about dating online is that you get to really know a person. Writing – especially behind a computer screen's safety – allows people to be more open and vulnerable than they may let themselves be in reality. In this way, you can truly see inside this person's heart and soul. You can be 'naked' in front of each other without having to undress.
Fall in Love
With this openness and vulnerability comes a deep and sincere connection. This connection is love. It can be scary to fall in love online and start a long-distance relationship, but once you start having these deeper feelings for each other, you'll want to spend every moment, every day talking to this person. And after you fall for each other, you'll share a deep desire to meet and start your life together.
Online Dating Long Distance Meeting First Time
Meet & See If It's Real
Whether that person is a couple of hundred miles away or a couple of continents, you will move mountains to meet them and turn the virtual into reality. After you've been online dating long distances, your first meeting is inevitable. Set a date and location to meet. Don't be nervous. You will be, but don't be. Reality may be more beautiful than whatever you've been imagining.
While long-distance internet dating may seem impossible, when you meet that special someone online, you'll do anything to make the impossible possible. Take these steps when starting a long-distance online relationship, and you may just find your soul mate on the other side of the world.
Is it Possible? A Strong Long Distance Relationship?
A strong, stable relationship between a man and a woman must be supported by physical intimacy. But there are situations when one of the partners is forced to leave for another city, or even another country, for several months. Is it possible to maintain and maintain a relationship at a distance, or is it a myth we will understand further?
There is no exact answer to the question of whether long-distance relationships are possible. This is primarily because each pair is unique. For some, a long separation is regarded as an opportunity to start a life together from a new leaf. For others, it is a reason to go all out. There are many examples of how a couple who have lived together for more than one year has ceased to have tender, reverent feelings for each other. For a relationship that lasts more than three years, this is a completely normal situation. Love constantly needs to be reinforced and nourished. Separation, regardless of the duration, may well be an excellent reason to diversify both the couple's spiritual life and the sexual one.
Cons of Online Long Distance Dating
Let's start with the negative consequences.
- High probability of treason
Lovers are united by one common fear - the betrayal of a partner. It would seem that we are all free people. Everyone has a personal life and free time that is not tied to a partner. Logically, if one of the partners has a desire to cheat on the other half, he will not wait for another long business trip. He will do this immediately after the thought of cheating is firmly entrenched in his head. But more than a third of couples believe that infidelity manifests itself precisely during a long forced separation.
Unfortunately, most of the long-distance relationship ends in betrayal. According to statistics, in such situations, a man becomes a traitor. This pattern does not mean that the spouse did not feel feelings of love for his partner. Everything is much more prosaic - it is difficult for men to do without sex. The average healthy guy needs to get a sexual release at least once a week. Therefore, if a couple is forced to leave for more than a month, it is difficult for a man to resist another woman's charm and sexuality. But the weaker sex does not want to yield to the stronger one in terms of the number of betrayals. Of course, women are less inclined to have sexual extramarital affairs, but many of them do not hesitate to cheat on their spouses during separation. With all this, both partners can love each other to madness.
- Lack of support
According to statistics, men are most often sent on long business trips. The wife of such a 'lucky man' is forced to bear all the hardships of life. This is quite difficult, especially when children are growing up in a family who, in turn, tend to get sick and indulge. A woman tired of household chores begins to feel unnecessary and misunderstood. These feelings are especially vividly expressed at the time of video calls with a spouse. A man away from home leads a calm, measured life, devoid of restrictions on movement. Due to the absence of a man's shoulder, a woman is forced to devote herself to children and the household around the clock. Such 'injustice' hurts and offends her very much. Against this backdrop, long-term relationships begin to crumble. And if thoughts about a spouse's betrayal still support a similar situation, then most likely, love at a distance will not end well.
- Deceptive opinion
Let's consider the relationship at a distance, not in the context of the family but in the context of the newly formed couple. The main disadvantage is the lack of a real, correct opinion about the person you like. In Internet technologies, few people can be surprised by an acquaintance through social networks or relevant sites. Many people meet their soul mate in the world of the Internet, and most often, these 'two halves' live in different cities. Before meeting in person, young people conduct long correspondence or video conversations. In the absence of the opportunity to meet, both lovers seek to show their best side in conversations. The second participant in these relations falls in love with the image imposed on him, which most often has nothing to do with reality.
- Lack of general budget
If the spouse, who had a higher income level, is forced to leave for a long time, this negatively affects the other partner's financial well-being. Of course, today, it is not difficult to transfer money through a bank, but this is not always possible. In the event of prolonged separation, the foundations of the family institution break down, in which the man is the breadwinner, and the woman is the keeper of the hearth. A man on a business trip does not need to bring home his wages, and a woman has no one to cook dinner for. The lack of direct marital responsibilities most often negatively affects the relationship, and the couple has every chance of breaking up.
Pros of a Long Distance Relationship
Despite all the difficulties, it is quite possible to survive the distance. And in some cases, separation can bring new emotions and feelings into relationships that have been established over the years.
- Longer candy-bouquet period
If a couple met on the Internet and did not have the opportunity to meet for a long period, she has every chance to prolong the romantic notes in her relationship. This is due to the absence of household and financial problems. Although young people, most likely every day, communicating with each other through a video conference, their meeting face to face will give new emotions.
- Refreshes the senses
Long Distance Relationship Dating Websites
As mentioned above, for people who have been in a relationship for an extended period, separation can be beneficial. There are many known cases when a forced separation saved families from divorce.
- Improves the quality of sex
Most often, during a breakup, people who are in a couple strive to find a way to see each other. Yes, these meetings are very rare, they end quickly, but there is no place for abuse and horseflies. Lovers spend the time allotted to them usefully - they have violent sex. Perhaps such a vivid sexual contact in their lives will no longer be.
- There is always a topic for conversation
How often do situations arise in a family life when two close people have nothing to say to each other? In every family, there are often situations when spouses discuss work colleagues or the next tricks of an annoying neighbor. Such conversations do not carry a semantic load, and they are useless for the family. But if a couple does not communicate for several days, unnecessary conversations immediately disappear, giving way to important topics for both spouses. It is advisable to discuss your family affairs as often as possible and make plans for the future.
- It's more of a bonus for a woman
During a long separation from a man, girls do not need daily depilation. You can also minimize the amount of makeup.
Online Long Distance Dating
Separation always leaves a mark on a relationship. And a long separation, like litmus paper, can show all the advantages and disadvantages of your family. Do not oppress yourself with bad thoughts. Trust fate. After all, if your partner has been noticed in treason, you cannot influence him from a distance and prevent the fact of betrayal. So relax and accept the situation as it is.